Being Uniquely Me

It's just so strange to look back at who I used to be and realize, I am not that person anymore. I know we’re supposed to change and it's good for us but WOW, I can’t even relate to past me.

I thought I was doing a pretty good job of staying grounded but somehow my corporate job blinded me. One day, I realized that I had lost myself and forgotten the real meaning of life. The energy I was spending in this small cubicle world was unfulfilling and left me too tired to do anything good for me or others. I didn’t like how I was wasting my energy as a walking zombie just going through the motions. Seriously, give me a minute to slap myself again.

It is just one of those things that happens. I got into a routine and before I knew it, years of this sleepwalking just went by. I should have put up a fight but past me didn’t have that fight. Present me does and I am all about that good fight. Figuring out what I want and what it actually means to live in this world. The awake me that I want to unapologetically present to the world. The me that wants to use my energy to better myself and help others wake up.

Past me restricted my curiosity. I did what I knew worked and I didn’t want to rock the boat by trying anything different. Now, I stay curious about everything, even if I have already experienced a similar situation. How am I going to become the best version of myself if I keep reacting and responding as I have always done? I am here to learn and I do that through connections and experiences. 

I stay curious about everything.

For a long time, I only surrounded myself with the people I knew, even if they were toxic. When I first started my career, I was not like this, but somehow I just stopped trying to let new people into my life. I was holding myself back from meeting non-toxic, good people. I am slowly opening myself up again these days. It’s all about quality verses quantity. If the energy they bring to the table matches mine, yay! If not, I wish them well and I move on. I have worked hard to keep out and remove toxic people from my life. I don’t want to inadvertently dirty my fresh and clean waters of my soul. Just like I know I am not for everyone, everyone is not meant to be in my life, and that’s okay.

I choose to play, every day in some way.

Being too busy or tired in past kept me from enjoying a lot of activities. I love traveling so I make sure to make time for more travel and especially proper summer vacations. A new side of traveling that I have recently discovered is camping. If I had not opened myself up to the idea of us getting a puppy then my whole idea of travel would never have changed. 

Having a french bulldog puppy is a whole new world of play for me. I never knew how much I could love an animal. I didn’t own a puppy as a child so it was totally out of my comfort zone. Now, I can’t believe how much I love Ralph. He is such a joy and he makes me laugh so hard sometimes, its beautiful and my heart is so full. I am so grateful that little furry baby dug straight into my heart with his love.

Learning and understanding the unconditional love of a pet has opened me up spiritually. Before, I was very guarded and I only loved just enough to feel safe. I had to learn to love myself again and not let painful experiences hold me captive. I am so grateful for my renewed relationship with God. His forgiveness has taught me to forgive myself and others. Knowing I have God’s love, gives me courage to love as God loves.

I am loving with all my heart.

With each day, I am building up my confidence and strengthening my spirit. I am loving with all my heart and I am letting love guide me. It's who I am, and who I was hiding away, a jumble of my weird and unique bits, mixed with love and positivity. God gives me what I need to keep moving forward and I am happy to extend that love with my art. This is the gift that God gave me, and I really love creating, so I’ll use it to uplift others…one art creation at a time.

Breaking old habits and changing my mindset is where the work began. This is a life long journey and I am happy to patiently take my time and learn as much as I can. I could sit here and tell you its easy but that’s a lie. There are easy days and there are extremely challenging days. The fun part is just being open to whatever comes my way and navigating each situation using my new set of tools. I am going to keep working at it. I choose to keep waking up each day, making sure every beat of my heart counts! I only get one life and I am going to live it, fully awake. 

Thank You God for waking me up and bringing me back to my life.

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